The Closest Hill
If someone asked me today -
how are you?
I would probably say -
Good. Thanks.
How about you?
But when I actually
sit and think about it…
To be honest,
I don’t really know
how I am.
I just am.
Is it good or bad?
I don’t have an answer
to that.
Most of my life
I have been chasing goals.
And listing mountains
I wish to reach.
But now?
I don’t know
how I am.
Maybe a little sad,
when I come to think of it.
Without its origin story
written yet.
So yes,
a little sad.
A little defeated.
A little out of breath.
A little out of purpose.
I guess that’s the cause of it.
The lack of purpose.
But there is a cure to that,
isn’t it?
Figuring out
what to do next.
Then again,
every mountain on my horizon,
doesn't actually feel like something
I wish to climb… yet.
It’s not the mountains
that speak to me.
It’s the rivers.
But there are no rivers
around where I am.
So what do I do now?
Do I leave the path I am on…
And just start something new?
Or do I continue the climb,
hoping there will be a river
on the other side?
Or do I feel this way
because I fear the climb itself…
And looking for a river
would be an easy escape?
That could easily
be true.
Fear often creates
the most believable stories
we tell ourselves.
So the answer is…
I really don’t know.
But I do know
that at some point…
the clarity will come.
So until then…
I’ll just continue
slowly walking towards
the closest hill.
Whilst listening
for the rivers somewhere
ahead.
With love,
Elina
P.S.
Below is the journaling session
that followed after I sent out
this letter.
The thing is…
On that particular day
I just wasn’t feeling
like myself.
Nothing had really happened.
There wasn’t an evident cause
to why I should be feeling
this way.
But I was.
And so I decided
to share how I worked
through it with you.
Here's the sneak peek
into my journaling:
Whenever I’m feeling off,
I journal.
This downloadable PDF
is one of those pages.
The lines highlighted in light blue
come straight from my journal.
Everything around them is me
narrating the process.
This is not a guide…
nor a template.
But a tiny sneak peek into
my journaling process.
