The Auction House Years

Hi my dear friend,

In another lifetime,
before I had my children,
I used to work for a local
auction house.

It was a part-time thing.
Helping out friends.

But for days I would be
surrounded by old paintings
and antique candlesticks.

Yet none of them really
caught my interest
back then.

My heart belonged
to contemporary art.

Now, looking back
at that time of my life,
it feels foreign to me.
As if she is a different
human being.

Someone I know well,
but a completely independent
part of myself.

And back then… 
She just really wanted to 
be good at her job.

But did she care about
old and intricate artworks?
Probably not.

Isn't it fascinating how much
we can change within
a single lifetime?

Then again, 
maybe we're not changing.
Maybe we're just adding depth
to what was already there.

Because without her,
without that version of myself…
I wouldn't be who I am.

Back then she wasn't
swept away by antique
crystal vases with delicate
silver rims.

She might have thought -
oh, that's pretty,
but not for myself.

Yet…
Had she never gotten to know 
the ins and outs of how 
an auction house is run,
I would have been too cautious
to even try bidding 
right now.

It's her life 
experience I'm using
whenever I look through
an auction catalogue.

And in those moments 
when I do begin to second-guess myself,
it's her voice I hear over my shoulder,
casually saying -

I'm not interested… 
but go ahead.

With love,
Elina Janevica

Artwork / Charles van der Eycken, “Monkey and Maltese” (fragment), oil on panel, 19th century / personal collection