Hello my dear friend,
Every week
I carry my laptop to
my husband’s office…
And while he’s not there,
I write a letter to you,
my friend.
At least,
that’s what happens
during the summers,
when the house is alive
with children.
When their voices, music
and movie noises fill the house…
even seeping into the furthest corners,
where spiderwebs ought to be.
Those are our
summer holidays.
And as I’m usually
the most creative when
I’m writing from my emotions…
This isn’t a problem for me.
If I get annoyed, great.
I just use it as a fuel
to write exactly what I think.
Or when there’s
something I’m going through…
Something I’m trying to understand.
To unpeel and observe.
That’s when I write my
best work.
But this summer…
I’m actually okay.
My children have grown.
They are becoming more and more
independent each day.
Of course, our days are busy…
But there's no crisis
for me to attend.
The water is calm…
And I don’t want to jinx it…
but also….
what do I do now?
How do I write
when everything is okay?
It’s a silly little problem.
The kind I will gladly have.
But when there are
no storms,
no hurricanes,
nothing to pull me under
and take me to the depths
I didn’t know…
what do I do then?
And yes,
you might be wondering,
isn’t there something else
I could explore?
Sure there is… and I do.
But I miss
the adventure of writing…
I miss the thrill or wondering
whether I will make it
through.
I miss my feelings rising
like tsunamis and then letting
them crush into me…
just to see where they will lead.
Because sooner or later
they always wash me ashore.
As they always have…
and always will.
So I don’t fear them anymore.
I let them climb.
And then I let go
under the breaking wall…
And I write, and I write, and I write.
Until the water becomes smooth.
But how do I write
when life is good?
How do I discover
something new within myself,
when it’s sunny and warm?
Oh, the bliss of a problem…
that isn't a problem
at all.
With love,
Elina Janevica
Artwork / Early 19th-century School, “Portrait of a Young Girl with a Cat” (fragment) /
personal collection
