The Mended Cardigan

Hi my friend,

When I love a piece 
of clothing, I tend to love it 
wholeheartedly.

I buy multiples 
of the same thing.

And then I wear them
again and again, almost every day…
until they’re worn thin or life shifts 
and suddenly calls for 
something else.

I find comfort in my clothes.
Knowing exactly what 
I’m going to wear.

So that my creativity can 
flow elsewhere.

But some pieces 
stay with me longer.
Like the grey cashmere cardigans 
I’ve been wearing 
for years.

Every season I add a new one
to my little collection…
even though they all look
the same.

By now 
I have a few of them,
though some have started
to scar.

A few holes here and there…
mended the best way that I can.
But definitely visible.

I don’t mind 
wearing them at home.
They are soft and lovely.
They’ve lived 
a full life.

Of course, 
I’m going to continue
cherishing them.

But what I notice 
is that I’ve stopped taking 
them outside…

And it made me wonder -
Why is that?

Why is something 
that has been loved and repaired
in society’s eyes not as good 
as a new thing?

Does having visible scars 
mean it should be hidden 
from the world from 
now on?

Is it the fear of judgement?
Do we fear how it will 
make us look?

Will others translate
a mended place as something 
worn out instead of 
deeply cared for?

Or is it an energy thing?
Does wearing something 
new just feel better 
in a way?

These are the questions 
I’ve been pondering this week. 

No existential matters…
just the life of my beloved,
well-worn cardigans. 

I actually 
don’t think new things 
are better than old.

They just feel 
lighter.

They haven’t gone through
the late nights and 
the heartbreaks…

Or those quiet moments
of sitting a bit longer in the car 
before gathering the strength to walk 
through the front door.

Only old things 
know that.

They carry the memory…
the stories we’ve lived 
in them.

But new things are 
important too. 

They invite us to daydream 
about what kind of life we 
desire to live with them
one day.

New clothes 
hold the possibility 
for the future… all the things 
yet to come.

They are not better
than something we’ve loved
and repaired over and 
over again.

They just shine
a different light.

And yet, on some days 
I do wish that my patched up 
cardigans wouldn’t be seen 
as something with flaws… 

But as clothes that
have lived a rich life,
keeping their beloved 
human warm.


With love,
Elina

Artwork / Pauls Sprenks “On the Porch” (fragment) / Personal Collection