The Lingering Light

Hi my dear friend,

Last week my grandma 
passed away.

We knew it was coming.
She had been slowly disappearing 
for a while…

Like the sun 
setting at the horizon,
where you can still see its light,
but you know that it will soon 
turn into the night sky.

Grief is a peculiar thing.

When my mom died,
it felt like the ocean waves 
pulling me into the depths 
I had never known.

I remember wondering 
how I would ever get back 
to the shore.

If there would even be 
a shore to return to.

If maybe…
I belonged to the ocean now.

But my grandma's 
passing feels different.
This time, all I notice 
is the warmth of 
a sunset.

That moment by the shore
where you linger in the fading light
for as long as you possibly can.

Where you feel 
at peace.

Where everything is 
calm and reassuring
and you know…

The sun isn't lost 
forever.

At least that's 
how it feels right now.
But grief can be 
unpredictable.

It can surprise 
you out of nowhere,
wrapping her arms around you 
so tightly that for a moment
it feels difficult to breathe.

I am aware of that.
And yet… 

It doesn't 
worry me here.
Not while I'm sitting 
in this sunset.

If she arrives,
I'll make room for her…
She can settle in beside me
in her own peculiar way.

But until then,
I'll close my eyes
and linger in the memories
of the beautiful light
my grandma 
carried.

With love,
Elina

From left : My auntie, me, my sister, my grandma and my mom.