The World Full of Thunder

Hi my friend,

Sometimes I wonder,
what do I have to show
for myself?

I don’t have any grand titles.
I don’t have the kind of
accomplishments that
make people lean in,
impressed.

It’s just me.
Doing what I love.
Living a life that feels
steady, honest
and warm.

And most of the time,
that feels enough.

But then there are some days.
Some situations…
when I suddenly find
myself questioning it.

When I’m casually reduced
to being nothing more 
than “a mom.”

As if I’m a tiny dust particle
that doesn’t belong next to
a perfectly tailored,
silk-threaded suit.

The thing is…

I know my own light.
I know the depth of who I am,
and the tenderness I bring
into every corner of 
my life.

But sometimes
all of that feels 
invisible.

Because no one sees
the calm you choose in the middle 
of an argument.

Or how steadily you can sit
with your children's sadness,
without rushing to fix
 everything…

There's no trophy for
withstanding the discomfort
of seeing your child in pain.

For making space for their grief
next to your own anguish
and unending ache.

None of that is visible
to the outside world.

It's just parenting.

But it doesn't feel ordinary
when you're the one
living it.

You cannot make
an elevator pitch out of it.
Not everything that shapes a life
fits into a neatly polished
sentence.

When I think about it…

It feels strange 
that the world doesn't count
the quiet strengths…

the ones that's taken years to learn, 
even if they'll never appear 
on a résumé.

And even though most days
I'm unbothered by what
people assume…

Sometimes I do wish
the world understood that staying steady
in a world full of thunder
is meaningful too.

With love,
Elina

Artwork / Mari ten Kate “A Hen and Chicks in the Farmyard” (fragment) / personal collection